I am going to address a question I’ve been getting.

13 April, 2024
Emily Kimelman

One that I think people consider a “gotcha” question.

𝘐𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦?

No, dumb fuck, it’s not.

But, at the same time, it’s not the same as a man telling a woman to smile, because spoiler alert, women are not equal to men in our society.

That’s why we get the smile comment WAY more, why our a**es and t*ts get groped in public, why victims of sexual assault are not believed, and why we can have a president who brags about grabbing women by the 🐈. And Supreme Court justices accused of sexual assault and harassment making society-altering decisions about bodily autonomy.

When a man tells a woman to smile, it’s not the same as the reverse. Men don't get assaulted for turning down women's advances. It's not dangerous for a man to refuse to smile. It definitely could be for a woman.

Men rarely have their junk grabbed by a random woman, and I literally cannot count the number of times men have grabbed me in public. Just a hand grabbing my body with bruising strength because they were raised to think they have that right

When a man tells a woman to smile, she has to calculate her safety before responding. So no, it's not okay to tell anyone what to do with their face. But when a woman tells a man to smile, it's inappropriate, when a man tells a woman to smile, it's a threat whether intended or not. It is threatening for a man to demand something of a woman's body.

If you don’t like that fact, join the club. I hate it. It sucks. But don’t get mad at me, I’m just the messenger. You want to do something about it? Let’s burn down white supremacist patriarchy together. Start by protecting women’s right to control their bodies.

It’s fucked up to tell a woman to smile. It’s even more fucked up to tell her she has to give birth to her rapist baby. Or wait until sepsis kicks in before a dead fetus can be removed from her womb. Or that even though she’s not ready to be a mother, the asshole who convinced her he’d just put in the tip lied and now she is facing the consequences of his actions. Or that even though she used birth control and it failed her, so has society because we don’t think she deserves to make her own decisions about family planning.

So, yeah, don’t tell anyone to smile. And don’t vote for men who brag about sexually assaulting women. And reinstate women's right to bodily autonomy. And definitely do not show up in my comment section confused about why men shouldn't tell women to smile. If you don't get it, no one can help you. And being around you sucks for those of us not willfully ignorant to the toxic dynamics in society.

It sucks so much I've made a career out of writing vigilante crime thrillers to deal with it.

𝗦𝘆𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗥𝘆𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗱𝗼𝗴, 𝗕𝗹𝘂𝗲, 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗴 𝗱𝗼𝗲𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗲, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗱 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗱𝗼. In bloodthirsty, vigilante, super satisfying ways. 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘤 𝘈𝘍.

Start the Sydney Rye Mysteries today.

And next time you’re not sure whether to tell a person to smile, stfu and keep walking to your local congressperson's office to demand an equal society. Because THAT would make us smile. 😁

📚 Pay what you want for the first 8 Sydney Rye Mysteries in ebook or digital audiobook. Save 40% on paperbacks:
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Brutal Mercy is currently being edited, and I hope to share an update soon!

Until next week...

Emily

P.S. I promise the dog doesn’t die…but I make no assurances about anyone else. 😈

P.P.S. You should unfollow me now if you have issues with "strong" language, sex out of wedlock, or LGBTQ+ characters. 👈 Top 3 things my one-star reviews complain about.

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